This week on Alcohollywood, we make a double feature of “shitty 90s comedies Clint watched too often as a kid” by following Good Burger with the lamentable John Leguizamo vehicle The Pest! Guest (and author of You Don’t Know Me But You Don’t Like Me) Nathan Rabin joins us as we witness the irredeemably-shrill Pestario Vargas (Leguizamo) vamp, titter, and offend his way through a Most Dangerous Game-like scenario involving Jeffrey Jones as a Nazi human hunter.
Along the way, Pest manages to reference every 50s or 60s movie and TV figure the presumed kid audience of the film would not get, as well as scores of 1940s-era racial stereotypes so pernicious they almost become anti-humor. Listen to us shake our collective heads at this baffling piece of cinema, along with our custom cocktail and drinking rules!
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THIS EPISODE’S DRINK: The Most Dangerous Lame
In order to help you through this trainwreck of a movie, we used Pest’s Cuban heritage as the basis for a sickly sweet, brightly-colored drink that is almost too assertive for its own good. Luckily, we let you cut through the richness with some seltzer water, so don’t worry, we’re kinder to you than the film is. Enjoy!
4 parts Cuban rum
1 part creme de menthe
1 part lemon syrup
Dash, vanilla bitters
4 parts seltzer water
- Combine rum, creme de menthe, syrup and bitters in a shaker with ice; shake vigorously.
- Pour straight into cocktail glass and top with seltzer water. Garnish with twisted lemon.
- Every time Pest references a different cultural stereotype
- Whenever Pest adds extra syllables onto his sentences (“I did-ed it,” “my childrens have been saved-ed-ed,” etc.)
- Any time you see sped-up film as a comedic device
FINISH YOUR DRINK WHEN:
Pest starts his nightmarish shower rap from the beginning all over again.
Join us next week as we celebrate America’s birthday again with a healthy dose of Nicholas Cage in the globe-trotting film you all watched in your American History class, National Treasure!