MARCH ON MARS: John Carter (2012) w/Consequence of Sound

john carter

This week, Jared and Clint (along with Justin Gerber of Consequence of Sound‘s new show Gerber & Gerber) kick off week 4 of our Mars-centric March with Disney’s 2012 flop John Carter! Based on the Edgar Rice Burroughs books no one remembers anymore, John Carter is a big shaggy dog of a movie in which Confederate soldier Carter (a totally-surfer Taylor Kitsch) is thrust into a fantasy Mars filled with red men, green men, white apes and blue blood. The film is one of Disney’s most notorious flops, but does that mean the movie itself is bad? How do you avoid looking like a ripoff when all the sci-fi tropes you’re accused of ripping off were ripped off from you in the first place? Take a listen to find out, along with our custom cocktail and drinking rules!

(Thanks to our sponsor Basecamp as part of the Chicago Podcast Coop!)


THIS EPISODE’S DRINK: The Evil Spider Cave o’ Gold

To commemorate the Thark language milk that Carter has to drink in order to speak the Martian tongue, we created a red-milk cocktail with chocolate and banana flavors to evoke the White Ape Carter and Tars Tarkas must fight in the arena. 

1 part framboise
2 parts banana-flavored vodka
1 part milk
1 tsp, chocolate powder

Serve up like a martini.


  1. Whenever John Carter does a super-jump
  2. Any time someone drops a crazy, silly Mars name (Barsoom, Zodanga, Dotar Sojat)
  3. Every time John Carter gets knocked out


The film’s real title, “JOHN CARTER OF MARS” shows up at the very end.

Join us next week as we wrap up Mars-ch with last year’s Best Picture nominee The Martian!

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About Alcohollywood Staff

The film staff of the film website/podcast Alcohollywood.

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