Hard Candy (2005) w/Chip & Ironicus

Hard Candy

This week on Alcohollywood, we cross our legs as we watch the two-person pedophile-revenge film Hard Candy! Grant of Chip & Ironicus and Nick of Three Brothers Theatre join us to talk about this two-person home invasion/revenge thriller, in which a pedophile (Patrick Wilson) gets more than he bargained for when he meets a  14-year-old girl (Ellen Page) with a sinister agenda of her own. Hannibal‘s David Slade makes a strong visual impression, with bold use of color and unique staging, and Wilson and Page both do their best to elevate the awkward, freshman-playwriting-student-level dialogue.

On top of that, we dig into the motivations of these complex (to the point of convoluted?) characters, the oddly castration-heavy trajectory of Patrick Wilson’s career, and – just what was Sandra Oh even doing there? Check out our custom cocktail and drinking game below!



Hard Candy cocktailIn keeping with the child-predation subject matter, we made an appropriately sweet, fruity drink to match Ellen Page’s cloying, precocious child ‘character’ – we’ve even made some booze hard candy to go with it! 

1 part apple brandy
1 part amaretto
2 parts Passion fruit-flavored cachaca
1 part sour mix
1 part cherry heering
dash, orange flower water
3 parts cranberry juice

1) Combine all ingredients in shaker with ice. Stir to combine.
2) Pour in rocks glass. Garnish with hard candy.*


1 ½ cup light corn syrup
1 cup water
3 ¾ cups sugar
1 tablespoon cherry heering
1 tablespoon Frangelico

  1. Combine sugar, corn syrup and water in a medium saucepan; heat it up to a boil over medium heat.
  2. Increase heat to high and attach a candy thermometer to the pan. Be patient and wait until the temperature gets somewhere between 300 and 310 degrees F. (Don’t skimp on this – it’ll feel like the temperature isn’t going up, but just wait for the water to boil down and it’ll get hotter very quickly.)
  3. Grease a cookie sheet and dust with powdered sugar, or use a silicone mat if you’ve got it.
  4. Once the candy gets up to temperature, take it off the heat and mix in the cherry heering or Frangelico (depending on what flavor you want. Add a few drops of red food coloring with the heering to get a nice red color).
  5. Pour in the cookie sheet; you’ll have to work quickly, as that candy will start solidifying very quickly once off the heat. Dust with powdered sugar on top, and leave out to cool.
  6. Once it’s nice and solid, bash it apart with a rolling pin or hammer, serve, and watch your teeth fall out before your eyes!
  7. To make lollipops: get some popsicle sticks or snapped skewers, and dollop a tablespoon or two of candy on the top end of the stick. Roll the stick 180 degrees to make sure it sticks, and wait to cool.


  1. Every time Jeff denies something or begs for his life/safety
  2. Whenever technology is used (phones, cameras, computers)
  3. Any time the shot background changes to a different solid color


Jeff says, “I’m all here…I’m all here.”

Join us next week as special guest Nathan Rabin of The Dissolve joins us once more to spin the Wheel of Fish – we’re talking UHF!

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About Alcohollywood Staff

The film staff of the film website/podcast Alcohollywood.

One thought on “Hard Candy (2005) w/Chip & Ironicus

  1. Definitely agree with everything you guys said about the dialogue and lack of clear direction of this movie, but personally I like it a lot! It’s ham-fisted and cliche, but I feel the performances elevate it to a great level. I agree with the comparisons to Audition as well (though I haven’t seen it), but the thing I love about this movie after watching it so many times is ambiguity of Ellen Page’s character. I think she’s less force-of-nature and more violent sociopath. These characters have been stalking each other with wildly different agendas. Hayley mentions that this was not her first time coaxing someone into suicide. I think she’s someone who was abused at that age, and takes justice for the dead into her own hands. “Probably not even a friend of Donna Mauer.” She’s calculated and has an array of backup plans, but she still knocks over a vase and makes dumb teenager mistakes.

    That being said, you have to wade through terrible dialogue and questionable Batman logic for this whole thing to work. I’m probably giving the movie way too much credit. I like mysteries.

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