Clifford (1994)

Clifford

This week on Alcohollywood, guest Nick of Three Brothers Theatre joins us to talk about yet another cinematic disaster – the 1994 film Clifford! Released unceremoniously in 1994 after being filmed in 1990, this abortive problem-child film sees Martin Short playing a precociously violent and demonic 10-year-old whose parents dump him on the unsuspecting Uncle Martin (Charles Grodin), whose life is completely destroyed over the next 90 minutes. Short’s creepy mugging and overblown schtick meshes poorly with the oddly nihilistic and dark tone of the film, resulting in a movie that’s as creepy as it is unpleasant. Luckily, we’ve got some booze and rules to help you get through it!

LISTEN HERE OR DOWNLOAD:

THIS EPISODE’S DRINK: Stefan

Inspired by the Kiddie Cocktail/Shirley Temple, we gave this non-alcoholic cocktail a boozy twist with some black cherry (to match Clifford’s red-dominant attire), as well as some added sweetness from unsulphured molasses. The result tastes suspiciously like a Capri-Sun, so be careful or you’ll empty the whole thing in the space of 5 seconds (as is usual for a Capri-Sun). 

clifford cocktail1 part black cherry rum
2 parts black cherry soda water
juice of 1/4 lemon
juice of 1/4 lime
2 tbsp unsulphured molasses
juice of 1/4 orange

1) Combine citrus and molasses; stir to combine. 
2) Fill pint glass with ice; pour ingredients and stir to combine.
3) Garnish with citrus wedges and maraschino cherry. Enjoy!

DRINKING RULES FOR CLIFFORD:

  1. Whenever a crime is committed
  2. Every time someone says the word “dinosaur”
  3. Any time Clifford or Uncle Martin give an unfortunately creepy smile

FINISH YOUR DRINK WHEN:

Uncle Martin says, “You really are sorry?, you know sorrow is a human emotion, and as we know, you are not a human boy, you’re just, this, this destructive thing who everyone will eventually get to hate you.”

Join us next week for our 150th episode – we’re getting back to the film series we looked at in our very first episode with Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade!

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About Clint Worthington

Clint Worthington is a Chicago-based film/TV critic and podcaster. A member of the Chicago Film Critics Association, you can find his other film work at Consequence of Sound (where he is a Senior Staff Writer), Crooked Marquee, IndieWire and UPROXX. He is also the co-host of Nathan Rabin's Happy Cast.

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